I once truly believed that I was an “embracer of change”. As I am growing-up, I’m learning that may not be the case. I do need often changes in scenery and I thrive on re-arranging my homes’ spaces from time from -time-to-time, but change that is not in my control and of not my original thought/plan is very hard for me.
I had a bit of a cry this weekend as I condensed and relocated my studio once again, this time to make room for baby. This time moving my creative space from the spare bedroom to our (beloved) breakfast nook.
While boxing up my books and objects of from travels and explorations that give me inspiration, I felt as though my creative space in this home and world was being taking from me. My inner child was upset and hurt and my adult self was feeling as though God was saying to me “your time is up, Charmaine, this is creative life is not longer of importance”.
As this all could be true, should I choose or believe it to be; I I feel there is something to be found in this change. Maybe this means I need to allow for adjustments in my life that aren’t solely my own. Maybe I means I must learn to allow in a bigger power and let go of my tiny human vision that I have for myself and my creative work (something I’ve never quite been able to do).
I do feel as though this new life that I am embarking on is going to be one of surrendering and growth and with all growing there will be ‘growing pains’. And somethings growth looks just like the opposite of what you’ve imagined it to be. Is it this a set back for me and my studio practice? Or is this change simply a new and different picture from the one that I sketched years ago?
I suppose it’s how I choose to look at it. As my eyes are adjusting to this new understanding or that which is being presented to me; I say this:
Here’s to cha-cha-cha-changes and having courage to HAVE the courage to let something bigger guide me from here on out.
Thanks for reading,